Possibly by now you know how significant the story of the real Saint Nicholas is to me. I’ve told several times how it was in 2009 that I heard the real origin story of a man we call “Santa” and how it changed my life. But, as much as that story caused such an profound shift in my life, there were still some huge issues (contradictions) in my personality and character that I have needed to work on. I want to say a few words now about something that has been like two opposite sides of the same coin and what I’ve slowly been realizing about the most important trait you must have if you have any plans to become a person of great value in this life.

Two Sides Of The Same Coin

And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:3 (NKJV)

I grew up taking after the personality characteristics of primarily one side of my family. I don’t know why but, I always felt that I identified most closely with the character traits that came from my grandmother on my mom’s side. She had quite a dominant personality in ways that were very memorable. She had many good attributes but, there were also some others that I had to devote my entire episode 80 to because of the many warnings God gave me about them.

Obviously I won’t repeat that entire episode here because I want to focus on the one character trait that was too often missing from that side of the family. I believe my family’s ethnic background, coming from Poland five generations ago, had everything to do with a certain generational curse. I’m not an expert on ethnicities or world history but, something must have gone very wrong in Eastern Europe 150 years ago because, the level of hostility and coldness passed down in one branch of my family tree was quite remarkable.

I don’t really believe my ancestors necessarily wanted to be such harsh people but, if there’s one thing I remember most about my great grandparents, that was it. By now, you should know that family patterns tend to continue unless someone steps in and does the hard work to fix them. I definitely do not want to criticize my mom who died almost 20 years ago however, as much as I loved her, she definitely sometimes had a cold and aloof side to her which came directly from her mother and grandparents.

I mentioned recently how that when God wants to deliver you from a family curse, He will put you in very negative situations where you are required to work out the flaws you inherited and unfortunately, these things do not change overnight. Getting to the punchline here, I mentioned how strongly the story of Saint Nicholas changed my life, specifically because of how he gave to the poor. I’ve also told how that is what motivated me to greatly increase my giving to churches and ministries, especially to those that worked with the poor in other countries.

That was my motivation for going after God for a miracle answer so that I could have a way to give much, much more money than what I was able to make in my career. I have to emphasize that I really cared a lot about those little kids in countries that didn’t have anything. I did not want them to grow up stuck in the same cycle of poverty that their previous generations had. I cared so much that I kept asking God repeatedly for my answer. Every time I gave to those ministries, I would cry just thinking about the conditions that those little kids grew up in.

And having said that, I had a major character flaw (inherited from one part of my family lineage) that contradicted all of the side of me that wanted to be a giver like the real Saint Nicholas.

The Heart Of The Matter

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NKJV)

The kind of harshness and coldness I inherited from my grandmother side of the family has been a major stumbling block for me at times. That was not the kind of person I wanted to be and it was totally at odds with the calling God has given me. We know from reading the Bible, especially the passage about love in 1 Corinthians 13, that you can do all kinds of good deeds, including giving tons of money to the poor but, if you have no love inside of you, it will do you no good in eternity.

I have really been learning more and more about how God really doesn’t care how many good deeds you do if your character traits inside your heart are evil. You can never do enough good deeds to override the evil inside of you if you do not make a very deliberate effort to correct the wickedness in your own heart. I have learned much in the last 10 years about how God is all about the state of our heart. Unfortunately for me, because of the way I grew up, this has been the hardest thing for me to fix.

I’ve mentioned before that part of that coldness and harshness that I grew up with was also due to an extreme level of over-independence. The root of my excessive independence which I inherited was none other than pride. What I mean is, a pride that manifested itself in quite noticeable degree of selfishness (or self-centeredness). In other words, a “my way or the highway“ attitude.

I guess because of the kind of career I had, that served me well to a certain extent but, at the same time, it was very hard for me to have long lasting relationships that were worth anything. Many times, I was very cold and aloof and I really only cared about my own world. So now, if you think about my prayer to be a very big giver and the story of Saint Nicholas, now you see why I say that I have had a major problem with two opposite sides of the same coin.

Good Deeds Will Never Save You

And now also the axe is laid unto the root of the trees: therefore every tree which bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

Matthew 3:10 (KJV)

So here’s the thing, it’s time for me to ask you a few questions… What kind of a person are you? What is really on the inside of your heart? What are your real motivations in life? How much of your life only revolves around you?

Do you think that you can do enough good deeds in life to tip the scales so God will let you in heaven? If you do, I can tell you the Bible says that is a lie, you will never get into heaven like that. The only way any of us are getting into heaven is to make sure we have the right heart. None of our outward actions will never fool God. He knows who and what we really are. No amount of giving money to the poor will get us into heaven. There are plenty of extremely evil people out there who give tons of money to all kinds of causes and they are on the highway to hell.

I have had the chance to see all this up close and personal with some very ugly examples in the last couple years. Fortunately, because I am part of a global ministry that strongly emphasizes getting to the root of our character issues, I have definitely begun the process of changing what’s on the inside of me. The more I focus on what matters most, the more I realize God really does care more about what’s inside our heart than any of our outward actions. Jesus said so Himself that Pharisees only cared about how they looked on the outside and He warned them all that they were all going straight to hell.

Back to the title of this episode… “What’s in your stocking”? Do you have a heart of gold or a stone cold rock of coal? If you grew up with the kind of character traits I did, then you might want to take a good look at what’s really going on inside of you and make sure you’re not just a white washed Pharisee. This is the time to really get serious about who and what you really are in your heart.

I think the hardest thing for me to learn was to be completely honest with myself and to do the hard work to make sure that what’s inside of me matches the character traits that God says are most important. Without love, nothing else we do in this life will ever matter for all of eternity.

If I could begin to make noticeable improvements in the ugliest parts of my own heart, then I know that we all can do it and we must.

To be continued…

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